Now that Lennon is doing well, I find that I am less blogging as we are busy with normal life stuff! This is good but doesn’t mean life isn’t still challenging and instilled with worries and fears. The past few weeks, Lennon has been doing extremely well. We note there are good days and bad days when it comes to his mood and behavior and the wonder is if its related to how he is feeling. The other day as I was getting in the process of getting ready for an event, Lennon and I went shopping. I recall the days (before we knew what was wrong) where I was resistant and hesitant to take him with me because of the behavioral issues or the vomiting or whatever may have occured. These days however, hanging out with Lennon is charming, fun and filled with happiness. He shares his thoughts (to the best of his ability), sings songs, is amazed by the items one can find at K-Mart. As we were walking through the ailes, he exclaimed : wow mom this stuff is fancy. He wants to help push the cart, he wants to stand on the cart to be pushed, he wants to touch everything and take everything in. I remember days where I did not want my children touching everything but as Lennon is exploring the world, I am recognizing his will to live. However, for him to conceptualize living without regret does not happen as that is not in his vocabulary. He simply lives life to the fullest without worrying about tomorrow or anything else. I struggle with this concept as I am still with fear of setbacks. We still struggle with coagulation issues in which he could bleed at any time, we still watch for bruising, checking his temperature, blood pressure just like he was in the hospital. However, none of it has brought him down. We can slowly see the flower blossoming that has waited to grow for so long.
These days Lennon looks forward to his physical therapy and his school teachers. There isn’t a day he doesn’t ask to find out if his teacher is coming. The thirst of knowledge in him has emerged and he absorbs the information. The hungry caterpillar currently is his favorite book to read and he can tell you the story from beginning to end. However, some things are still apparent. When he is done learning or working, he will let them know. I AM DONE, and if they do not acknowledge this the first time: I AM DONE I SAID. Clearly, he continous to know himself the best.
Sometimes its an eerie feeling when we recall the stress and worries that he endured and we lived in the past two years. Just a year ago, about this time, we made the decision to go through with the liver transplant and we didn’t dare dream about the months that followed. November 18th will be a bitter-sweet day and so will be the 21st as the memory is fresh in our memories as if it happened yesterday. And yet I do find that we smile and laugh more, that despite life struggles we are able to enjoy what live has given us, which is live.
As I live in the small town I am in awe of people and still grateful to the friends we have made and are still making. Sure what our family has endured is no small feat and the fact that my other half has to work three jobs to make a living and provide for us is tremendously stressful and doesn’t leave much room for leisure. But we don’t complain and yet we constantly hear: I don’t know how you all do it. We do what needs to be done with the cards that were dealt to us. We are focused on our family each and every child, as a whole and as partners. There is no question about our unity, nor is there any question for the love we have for each other.
My heartfelt thanks to the individual who continues to spread Lennon’ story, who has accepted his fate to what it may be…you will forever be in our hearts and hold a special place in our family.