I think this morning I realized that sometimes we ask of him some of the things we cannot do ourselves. Describe how you feel.. It has got to be the toughest question then add a mix of mood swings and being a kid and trying to fit in and to want to be good and not annoy everyone with the sky lander you want but you just have to share because if you don’t.. Well you just might explode.
Yea that was a complete run-on sentence with purpose.. Now imagine being 10 years old with ADHD and OCD ..and trying to control your emotions because that is what is expected of you .. To be normal to behave in a way that society deems normal but somehow you just can’t .. And not because you don’t want to but because your brain won’t let you.. And then boom
I’m gonna kill myself ..comes out of his mouth and you are trying to decipher if he gets that meaning or if that is just his way of expressing because he just can’t handle it any other way at that moment in time. Your heart beats and your insides turn because you hope he does not get that meaning at all but you immediately want to throw him into therapy but then you sit back and realize that in every little thing he does ..he continues to be impacted by cognitive deficits and delays..
You compose yourself.. You love him and hug him and help him process his feelings.. Not yours but his… And tell him how precious he is and that you are sorry that sometimes thing are so difficult and that talking about it ..well it should help. .. And he cries and hugs you back ..and then all is well in his world and he’s eating his breakfast and the off to school he goes…
And you go back inside and sit down and breathe because you forgot to do that for the last 30 minutes.. And you compose an email to his development doctor asking for a prescription while in the same breath explain what happened.. And then you wait..and then you go clean up and find pictures of when he was so incredibly sick and you just sit down and have a good cry.. Because you must ..because every day is this challenging and every day you are grateful for each day you have – despite the challenges